(post by BT) As a Realtor who always look to pounce on a helpless seller who just can’t do without me, I scan Craig’s List daily for leads. I’d like to start sharing with you some of the funnier or more ridiculous Craig’s List real estate posts I come across. Well, here is one from a seller whose ad screams: “I really needs an agent and one who is crazy enough to actually work with me!!!”

Hey, maybe you can learn what NOT to write in your ads when you (everyone tries at least once in his/her lift) decide to go For Sale by Owner (FSBO):

This seller:

• Offends potential buyers before they even call him (“I’m looking for real buyers… I don’t want people who are only interested in sitting by the sidelines)
• Does not specify the price (“I’m asking you to tell me what you think my house would be worth to you, and we can start the negotiating process from there. This is not a fire sale, not an auction”) – why would I waste my time if he overpriced and it’s more than I can spend?
• Makes some weird, convoluted claims about the house – sere to scare anyone interested (”terrifically situated … The house is so much bigger than it looks from the outside. A great house with great flow.”). Terrifically situated? Great flow? He sounds like a wacko!
• “No mortgage contingencies.” Need I say more? Is this Fall 2008, the “credit crunch”? Who would be stupid enough? Does this guy want an all-cash offer on his crappy house?
• Comes across like a wack job. And who wants to do any business with a weirdo?

This is a seller for whom we feel sorry. Ignorant, cocky, and bound to fail. Anyway, here is the ad:

Was posted as: http://newyork.craigslist.org/lgi/reo/853658910.html

Dated: 9/24/2008

Titled: Beautiful Beacon Hill Colonial (Port Washington)

“The deal on our house just fell through…our buyer worked at Lehman Brothers, need I say more. The thought of going through the house selling process again daunts me. So I’ve decided to try something different.

My house is a beautiful Beacon Hill Colonial in Port Washington and I’m looking for real buyers, those that want to move; those that are ready to move. I don’t want people who are only interested in sitting by the sidelines waiting until a house they are interested in goes to their idea of a rock bottom price, or perhaps is sold before they even make an offer. I don’t want people who make an appointment to come see my house, just because they are either interested in seeing how it’s decorated, or how it may compare to their own house. I don’t want people who make an appointment but don’t show, or don’t call to say that they will not be coming.

I’m interested in the buyer who is familiar with my neighborhood and knows all the great things that it offers. I want the educated buyer who knows how much a house in this neighborhood is worth. Instead of asking for a price; I’m asking you to tell me what you think my house would be worth to you, and we can start the negotiating process from there. This is not a fire sale, not an auction, not a foreclosure, just a seller looking for the right buyer.

THE DETAILS:

The house is terrifically situated, walk to train, walk to town, walk to beach; 5 Bdrms., 3.5 Baths, large EIK with stone countertops, CAC, 3 fireplaces, hardwood floors throughout, finished basement, tons of storage, attached 2 door garage, electric dog fence, alarm system, beach and tennis rights. The house is so much bigger than it looks from the outside. A great house with great flow.

And to all the real estate agents that may think of contacting me, I appreciate your interest, I know you’re out there, and I know that you all wish me luck selling my house.

I will be glad to provide more pictures should you want them.

No mortgage contingencies.“